I've been thinking about belonging, for most of the past decade. We all need it, deeply. The most highly sought after form is belonging by invitation. To be chosen, rocks. To be chosen means we've been seen, recognized, and valued. However, to be first pick, first draft, captain, or valedictorian, has much greater value than to be in the middle of the pack, where your value may be that you are less of a liability than the next pick. Like those players that sports teams pick up, for the sole purpose of padding a future trade deal. In the middle you are just a space holder, and that won't fill your longing to belong.
Most of us don't get picked first, that's just a numerical reality. In fact, most of us don't get picked as much as we strategically position ourselves, even transform or conform, to the values of the community we hope to belong to. In effect, we hide our flaws and present our strengths. We lie. How many of us, when asked at a job interview about our collaborative skills, would say, " Well, actually I'm very creative, and make great use of critical thinking and deconstruction. Some call me recalcitrant, but it's all with a view to developing a better widget." Not likely, so we bend.
What we truly long for, and I believe this is universal, is belonging because we are valued, warts and all. We need to be seen, discovered, and embraced, or even better, engaged. This takes time, but few opportunities to belong are structured to listen carefully to those on the margins. Most communities operate on the basis of compliance, and conformity. You must observe the ways, demonstrate behavioural compliance, and then you can belong, although it will feel more like being passively accepted or even tolerated.
The whole idea of conforming to a norm in order to fit, is all about preserving the idea as defined by the founders. The fear of morphing into something else is the great concern. The problem is that the norm becomes the average, or the median of the interpretation of the original idea. Even when carefully protected by constitution and doctrine, the original is compromised. Normal is the space between a carefully filtered group of uniquely designed individuals. Normal does not exist, except as a way of generally defining a range or spectrum of acceptable expression. Normal is limited.
My conclusion is that churches, and even para-church organizations, are not qualified to call themselves communities–at least not organically. They are by biblical definition, a group of one accord, and that accord is often in the form of a creed, or at least a list of core values. Too often, churches are defined by a tried and (declared) true theological construct that is included in the "conform to these" list. Sadly, some even require that you leave all of your uniqueness at the door, believing there is nothing good within. This sure doesn't meet the need to be seen, discovered, valued and embraced.
If you haven't picked up on what I think community is, let me lay it out for you. Community is everyone with in the sound of your voice, that hears your voice, listens to your words, discovers the real you, and embraces that real you. The "Good News" is when you do that to others.
Matthew 22:37-39
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
In my next blog I will wonder about knowledge.
